Beaten Down
by Canadian Erect Mountie
Summary: Mneh, Harry can't even seem to last one week into the school year without trying to off himself. One-shot, mentions of suicide, self-harm, TONS OF ANGST AND LIGHT DUMBLES BASHING. Set in OotP, no spoilers.


_**Beaten Down**_

_**Just something that popped into my head. This story will have VERY LIGHT Dumbles bashing. Includes self-harm and attempted suicide. NOT SLASH! No pairings as of yet. Please heed these warnings; I don't want to trigger any actual self-harmers. It's mostly a hurt/comfort/angst.**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.**_

"Screw this." muttered Harry. He tossed his homework on the ground and exited the common room, missing or otherwise ignoring the looks he was receiving. "Screw Dumbledore for not talking to me. Screw Umbridge for making me write in my own blood. Screw the whole damn world for making me be me!" he said angrily. Unconsciouslly his feet began to take him to his favourite spot under a tree near the black lake.

He had tons of homework to do this weekend, his hand ached from the damned blood quill (which he was sure was illegal, but with Umbridge only her rules seemed to apply.) and his arms stung from the cuts.

"Oh, sure they'd love to see me now," he muttered bitterly. "The insane Harry Potter is also suicidal! I am NOT suicidal..." he murmured, but with less conviction. Ever since the beginning of summer- no, before that, really, when Cedric had dies and Barty Crouch Jr. had told of how eveything had happened, he wanted it to just end.

"I'm only human." he said. "That's the only way I know how to end it... at least the cutting helps." he said even more quietly.

Behind him, in a bush, the large black dog that was Sirius froze. He had snuck out of Grimmauld Place to come visit his godson in person. Never had he imagined the poor boy would result to self-harm.

Silently, Sirius transformed and sat down behind Harry a few feet away to listen.

"Then again, I can't just... off myself. How'd I do it in a way that doesn't mentally scar anyone? What if I do it before Sirius can be freed? Well, Hermione's a witness, too. And so is Ron. The two of them know enough that I don't have to go on. I mean. Hermione's got the brains, and Ron has the resources. And parents. Voldemort ruined everything, damn him! But Dumbledore's no better, I suppose. Screw him.

"After all, he's the one that tried to pay Mrs. Weasley to be nice to me. Boy, I heard she really blew up on him, refusing to accept the money, saying the 'love can't be bought.' Dumbledore, always going on about love, when he himself thinks that people need to be paid to give it out... I'm glad for the Weasleys. But if I was dead..."

Harry swallowed painfully and continued, thinking himself alone, when in truth his horrified godfather was listening not three feet away.

"It's all my fault. I didn't even know Cedric, and yet he's dead, all because of my dumb Gryffindork tendencies. Maybe the Sorting Hat was right, maybe I should have been put into Slytherin. I wouldn't be as much a burden there, and Malfoy would still make fun of me. At least there Voldemort might have gotten me earlier and no one had to die. Maybe I should die. No, not maybe. I don't deserve to live."

By now tears were streaming down Harry's and (unbeknownst to him) Sirius's faces. The latter sat in a state of total shock, Harry's letters had expressed impatience, but not this lingering self-loathing and depression.

"Thanks, Sirius, for that knife you gave me for my birthday. I didn't starve over the summer with it, because there are so many locks on my door. Sorry that I used it for what it was used for. I'm sorry you're dead, Cedric. I'm sorry I was born, Mum and Dad."

Sirius didn't see the knife come down on Harry's left wrist, nor his right. He didn't hear the soft gasp. And it was ten seconds later that he smelled the blood, the same moment Harry keeled over. He gasped and stood up immediately.

"HARRY!" he cried. Quickly, the ex-convict stripped off a piece of cloth from each of his sleeves and tried desperatley to stem the blood flow on his godson's wrists.

"Sirius? W-what? How are you...?" Harry murmured, blinking sleepily up at Sirius. "Shh, shh Harry, everything's going to be alright, but whatever you do, do NOT fall asleep, okay?" begged Sirius desperately. No sooner had the words escaped his mouth that the recipent began to find the order immensely difficult.

"So tired, though, Siri... lemme sleep...Ow!" he said, dazzling green eyes snapping over when his godfather slapped him in the cheek.

"Harry James Potter, if you die, I will kill you!" vowed Sirius, conjuring a stretcher and floating Harry onto it.

"M'kay." mumbled Harry, struggling to keep his eyes open. Sirius tied a rope to the end of the floating stretcher and transformed back into Padfoot, grasping it in his mouth and taking off, full lilt towards the hospital wing, barking like mad to both keep Harry awake and to gt people out of the way.

* * *

Harry's brain was intensely fuzzy and he opened his eyes, immediately closing them and moaning slightly at the bright light. Immediately all conversation ceased. 'Wait, when were they talking?' he thought hazily.

"Harry? Harry, can you hear me? Are you awake?" asked an anxious voice.

"Yeah-huh. Can you turn the lights down?" he yawned. Instantly it was darker. He opened his eyes to see his godfather's peering down on him anxiously. Sirius let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding before pulling Harry into a huge bear hug.

"Ungh-Sirius-gerrof-" mumbled Harry half-heartedly.

Sirius held him at arm's length, fixing him with a stern eye. "Harry Potter. Never EVER do that again, understood?" he said, in an abnormally serious (no pun intended ;P) tone.

This was not the reaction Harry was expecting. He thought he was going to be bombarded with "WHY IN THE NAME OF MERLIN'S SAGGY LEFT BUTT CHEEK DID YOU DO THAT, HARRY?" and the like.

He bent his head in shame. "Sorry. Teenage angst." he murmured in a lame attempt at humour.

"I heard what you said before you did it." said Sirius abruptly. Harry looked up in alarm, internally cursing himself, but he needed someone to talk to, and if that someone had to be himself... well, so be it. But SIRIUS heard him? Oh, for Merlin's saggy left-

Sirius lifted Harry's head by his chin. "It's okay, Harry. You're okay. We'll all be fine, you'll see." he said softly, not breaking his tender gaze.

And somehow, Harry knew he was alright, even if only for that moment, because someone did care, and they didn't have to be paid for it.

**A/N: So, yeah, angsty. One-shot for now, review if you want. I just had to get out of this hellhole and WRITE something. Excuse my errors. I am lazy and my beta is busy with a multi-chaptered story I have right now.**


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